… I had thought I had forgotten.
It was about four years ago. It was straight after my surgery. I went to a friend’s place afterwards for a birthday party. This was when I was hurting and the painkillers were wearing off. So I drank. And drank. Until I was drunk.
So, I was standing around drunk and I turned around and there he was, 7 foot tall and black. I immediately thought I was standing in a whole. He said, “Hello, my name is…”, I forget the rest…
The solution to life, the universe and everything is… oh what a pretty butterfly! I wonder where it… the solution to 1/v^x-2 + 2vy is 2vx/… what?
I think you understand the trouble I go through with my thought processes. I have an umpteen amount of thoughts, and if my memory serves me correctly, even more than I had before my stroke. But I can seldom write or type them down, and my speech doesn’t work half the time and my memory moves on to other things before long so the thoughts I have are lost to me. This happens over and over, absolutely countless times.
Strangely, it doesn’t happen when I right. I think it was because I had them kind of figured out before the stroke. I have about twelve of them, some of them I have started to write but I can’t finish them. Or at least I think I can but I can’t remember them soo…
Still, I am happy. I noticed that I am happy to look at the stars while other people talk amongst themselves. I think this is more interesting than talking anyway. I might not get laid but at least I’m having fun. 
I’ve moved out of my house today and going to live at my moms. Yay.
Wish it worked out but it hasn’t so…
The only thing I’m gonna miss is my baby. 
Humans move so fast. I was looking at my jacket for a second and before I knew it he moved from here to there.
Now, if only you knew what I was talking about…
What happens to your soul when you die?
Do I/you have a soul. I was just looking at drawings by Sam Nielson. I know something about drawing and he’s very good, but do these skills survive death? So far, in my experience, we have never had someone who knows or feels things that have happened before. No prophets, no ghosts murmuring for the dead, nothing that in any way convinces me that the soul lives on.
So, the real devil of the matter is that there is no immortal soul, or if there is then it doesn’t take knowledge with it. I can see a few bad points and good, but the good are no use once your dead, and that’s sad.
Am I going to hell when I am dead? How about hell? Valhalla? Tlalocan? Aaru? The Garden of Eden, the Celestial Kingdom, the Underworld?
Or maybe I’ll start it all over again in a new body or maybe this old one again and make a mess of it a second time. Or a third, or maybe it’s infinate.
Too bad I’m not going anywhere quite so quant because I’m an athiest. Actually, I’m not that sure about that anymore either. All the religeous spiritual zealots could have got something though I have some ways to figuring out what.
I don’t what happens when I die. I think that one moment I’m alive and then I’m not. That’s it. All the mumbo jumbo, religion and fantasy doesn’t help when I look at the world and history and suffering and know this isn’t true.
I am. I am not.
There’s nothing else. And I think that’s unfair, except I can’t do anything much about it when I am dead.
First of all, sorry for the adds. I can’t remember how to turn them off.
I also forget where I left off… oh well.
I can’t recall every single kill, not for want of remembering, but because I will need thousand hours to write it all down. 
But those two listed are the coolest one’s of all.
I started playing computer games when I was about 5. The first were probably text based games but it soon got interesting. I could literally list hundreds of games, Stellar 7, Nova 9, C&C, Red Alert, Subwar 2050, Wing Commander 1, 2 and 3, the list goes on. I basically owe my existence and a few other things to games. Anyway, do you find it’s weird that things change so much and I’m still young…
Anyway, I forget what I was about to say…
I’m thinking this and other stories of my life have to be put up for posterity and/or just the fact I might forget this all if I have another stroke, or go senile, or die…
I believe the first thing I want to write about is Half Life, and Team Fortress. I believe the first time I played HL was about ‘99 when I bought the collectors edition for 85 dollars. It was probably the best 85 dollars I spent and I even have the CD now, but the password is lost so I can’t play online anymore. I got home and installed it and updated it which took several hours since I was on dialup, and then played TF because I thought it was TF2 because I’d seen a big preview of it in PCPowerplay.
And it was about the best game ever!
I played the Soldier at first, then the Scout and Medic. Over all in the 3+ years I was playing it I killed every single player with every single weapon. I counted some impossible kills including a 3 llama kill as medic which was recorded with 3 infections and them dying in sequence within a second of each other. Can you guess what these players were called?
I also played Counter Strike when it was pre-alpha and had only 1 model, 2 guns and missing wall surfaces. I kept on playing till about 1.6 and above and got pretty good at it. I played pretty much all the weapons but preferred the AUG and the MP-5. I liked the M-4 but the damage was too low when silenced. I could, however, get a nice tight spread when crouching and firing it silenced. I don’t know much, but me with a gun seemed right.
I once played the Aztec map and spent a couple of round on the losing team until I had enough for a Scout and then took up position and started sniping on the corner by the crates, replaced by rock in the later version. I was sniping at occasional passers by hitting some until it appeared that I and one other were the only two survivors and the two top scorers from the enemy team were still alive. They got in front of the gates and shot the last guy so I was the only guy left. I figured it would only be a matter of time before they found and got me so I took aim and fired.
“Counterterrorists Win!”.
WTF? OMFG!
It turns out that I had taken aim and fired and hit one Terrorist’s in the head and carried along to hit the other Terrorist in the noggin. Wow. I took a screenshot just in time, but it’s lost too.
Next week/month/whenever I will talk about… pretty much the same thing.
Or something to do with inhaling fine silica dust.
Anyway…
Nebula
I’m sitting here at my computer (at work, shh) staring at my screens (dual 20″ monitors). I’ve got a picture of a nebula (I don’t know which) and I’m just thinking just how many species their are. Drake’s equation states that (conservatively) there are (possibly) millions of star systems where intelligent life exists or it is bullcrap.
But I know (with reasonable certainty) that life has existed on Earth approximately 3.8 billion years or so, and the universe has had planets like Earth for at least three times as long. I cannot believe that we are the only ones here that are capable of thought yet I’m decidedly unconvinced that we have been visited.
